Funny Funny Philly

Merv Griffin in early years

The stage manager scowled from backstage as Funny Philly sang his opening song, “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts…”  Since Billy Cotton and Danny Kaye's deaths, the vaudeville acts went wild with imitations.  And Funny Philly was famous for his spirited performances that endeared him to audiences across the country.

However, it was unknown to audiences that Funny Philly was a tightwad, paying his crew paltry salaries.  The schism this created was reaching monumental proportions.

With no motivation, the stage and prop crews became sloppy and some walked away.  Funny Philly found his bookings sinking lower and lower.  It took two weeks for Funny Philly to extrapolate the cause.

By then it was too late.  The only job Funny Philly could get was that of managing the backstage door.

This are a Wed. Words challenge from Delores in 2015. I love this stuff. Playing with words is so fun.

All is at Peace

Everything lavender

The sun filtered through the garden, breaking through the dense foliage.  The twining squash vines sported hearty zucchini, which  would soon muscle its way through other vegetables.

Garden making

Butterflies were dancing over the blooming lavender and dahlias.  Over in the corner, isolated from the serene garden, were two gooseberry bushes.  Brooding and sour, they knew it was only a matter of time before they would be picked and treasured.

But, for now, all is at peace.

The italicized words come from Wednesday Words from Delores some time ago. These  were supplied 5 + years ago, when Delores had started W. Words as a way to encourage writers to expand genres. The goal was to integrate these words with their own style.

Current words can be found on Wednesday at Elephant's Child blog site.

This is a challenge I savor. Brevity, saying much with chosen words (about 65 words above), is powerful in its conciseness. Writing, with those few meaningful words that convey an image, well, that is just plain fun.

Snail School 101

The have somewhat of a personality

Parents had forced Sam Snail and all his mates to attend the class on snail safety, where posters covered the room:

“An Informed Snail is a Safe Snail!”

“It’s not dandruff, you idiot!  It’s salt!”

Source: Wikipedia

“A stupid snail becomes escargot!”

Mr. Goo, the oldest snail in the community, scanned the adolescent snails with his antennae.  “Listen up, you slimy slugs!”

The snails convulsed with laughter---the slug joke was an old one. 

Then all became quiet as the spectres of snails long gone before filled the room.

They whispered, “Grass is good.  Sidewalks are bad….” 

Then Mr. Goo shouted, “If you are ever besieged by a bunch of birds, then kiss your shells good-bye.”

Intervals of laughter and silence of doom broke up the rest of the day.  Finally, class was dismissed.

Mr. Goo shook his antennae. "Poor dumb Molluscan Gastropods! Half of them won’t even make it home."

  

YouTube, about 3 min. long

I suggest fast-forwarding

The underlined words are from Wednesday Words, a writing challenge for all writers to inspire their writing.  This challenge was begun by Delores years ago and is still continuing.

This post is from 2015.  I know, I am digging into the archives, but why not? Why the heck not.

...As long as we have no place to go, let it snow, let it snow...

Today in Tomsville Explosion: Bring Graham crackers and chocolate!

Source

After an explosion at Tomsville Marshmallow Factory, the town was blanketed in white melted marshmallow. Mr. Miller gazed out the window, "Well, that's not something you see everyday..."

The surprise explosion had spread aromatic scent of vanilla over the marshmallow-covered town.  Even the steeple  of the nearby church was coated with the sticky white stuff.  Several red cardinals were glued there, their pitiful songs heard about town.

Finally, an elfin boy named Timmy climbed up into the steep interior and then was lowered by rope to free the poor birds.  Oddly enough, the cardinals were able to fly away to nearby trees.

From the heights, Timmy watched faraway children dashing with toboggans in hand to slide down  “Killer Hill”.  He giggled as each child became mired in the marshmallow ‘snow’, sinking rapidly into the white gloppy goo.

Source

P. S.  Kudos to Delores who delightfully selected 6 words AND a sentence prompt to be used as the blogger desires, to break into another genre, or take a break for current WIP.  The bold underlined words were for the week of December 4, 2013.

Delores started "Wednesday Words" several years back.  After growing tired of incessant battles with her computer, she handed the baton off to other bloggers. This month's words are the gift of Elephant's Child. Find this week's words there and either post your take in the comment section OR post at your site, being sure to let us know where you are and what you have written.  WE WANT TO FIND YOU!

Starting in August will be hannahbananface who will provide words.  Thanks, Hannah!

 We love you, Delores!

Green Grows the Grove

“These trees are old, really old, Aunt Celia!” Buddy whispered to the elderly lady holding his sweet hand.  “They’s older than you, even!”  He skipped to a hidden tune.

“Yes, little boy, I know they are old,” she mused, smiled down at the intense face.  “They were old when I was your age.”

His surprised face turned to laughter as he pictured this old woman skipping.  “Then you know all about the ‘sterious dis’pear’nce of Miss Cassandra!”

“Yes, my dear Buddy, but you tell me all about it, will you?”

Buddy flew into the story of the missing Cassandra, a story handed down to each generation.  Celia hid her chuckles as Buddy threw pirates and ghosts into the simple recounting of a young lady ran away on eve of her wedding with her fencing instructor, and her “’sterious dis’pear’nce”.  “You reckon Miss Cassandra’ll ever be found?”

When Buddy finished the grand story, both were exhausted.  “Come, little man, let’s rest here a while,” Aunt Celia indicated a bough leaning to the ground.  She perched on the lowest bend, just as Buddy’s dog came bounding by.

His question unanswered, Buddy took off after his pet.

Great-Great-Aunt Celia gazed at the ground beneath her feet, knowing that just a few feet below lay Miss Cassandra in her wedding dress. Oh, well, Cassie. These things happen. You should never had trusted me.

Celia smiled. Life has been good. 

This is photo prompt from Delores in 2012. I think this is from Atlanta, GA.

Cardboard Town

cardboard alley

Cardboard Town
Where the bounced are trounced, 

The in-flamed are out-flamed.

Variety of rich to poor,
Poor to beyond poor.

Raspberry, Blackberry,

Gangrene black
Creep and seep

Down and up,
up and down.

All in Cardboard Town.

www.housethehomeless.org

This is a re-post from June 2014, using underlined words as a writing prompt. The words were provided by Delores at Mumblings, who threw out some words and invited bloggers to use them. The "Wednesday Words" challenge is still happening! Go to either of these sites: Elephant's Child and River -  to see what words are being used this week.

Keep moving, Sheila!

Source

Staring into the light was the onset of despair.  Rolling dunes as far as could be seen robbed her of balance and Sheila fell, tumbling and rolling hard.  Get up, I must keep moving, she muttered as she stumbled to an outcropping of rounded stones and palm trees. 

Sunstroke was a distinct possibility in this heat, driving her to find rest in the shade.  

She grasped the nearest beverage and swigged back the green slime, thinking of it as a tropical treat.  Sheila choked and spit it out.

Source

Mojito?  Are you kidding me?  Bring me a Margarita!  

Sheila looked around the luxury resort and its exotic décor, with its handsome waiters.  That’s it—I’m catching the next flight outta Yuma!  

She did not know but there were no flights that day or any other.

Source

No disrespect is meant to Yuma, AZ.  Yuma is set among beautiful scenery.  When we drove through Yuma recently, it was 112 degrees F.  

PhotoPrompt: The walk way

Many thanks to Delores at myfeatherednest

The walk-way was long and narrow, but blessedly even.  Darren had waited until nearly dark, avoiding any who might observe him tonight. 

Tonight, I had to do it tonight.  Darren grumbled, dragging the heavy bag along the walk way.  He had not figured on this bag being so heavy.  Otherwise, he would have made more cuts, and had two smaller bags.

Darren was a slow, methodical man.  But such a man finds time constraints stressful.  He pulled harder on the bag, going a little faster.

Finally he arrived at the garbage bin and realized that the bag was almost too heavy for him to lift.  Girding his loins, Darren heaved the bag up and over his shoulders.  Clump.  The bag fell with a satisfying sound; it meant the bag didn’t fly open.

His neighbor, Lloyd came out with his heavy bag.  Clump.  They nodded at each other.

“Ain’t too much left of the ol’ girl, is there?”  Lloyd nodded at the bin.

“Nope.  Next week will do ‘er.”  Darren shut the bin tight.  “See you soon at the pub, then…” 

Both men retreated into their very silent, very dark houses.

PhotoPrompt#5

Delores at myfeatherednest

The wheelchair was unloaded first, while Jim helped Velma from the van.  Settling into the wheel contraption, Velma cursed inwardly. It’s a stroke, girl.  It’s not a life sentence.  I can, I will walk again…

“Okay, Mom.  Now, we’ll just turn this around, and we’ll get us inside.”  Her son Jim told her soothingly, as if she were a child.

I am not turning a damn thing around, or getting any one inside.  Velma blinked back the tears.  You seem to be doing everything.  But she managed, “…’kay.”

Pushing along the bumpy sidewalk to the new ramp, Jim noticed a white flower blooming from a crack in the concrete.  “Well, what’ya know?  When did that happen?  I’ll dig it out later, Mom…”

Wait!  How did it do that? “Nnnno…ll..it..groow!”  Velma smiled. On its own, her foot reached out to touch it.  If it can do that, then these legs can walk.

Laura's PhotoPrompt #5

Running inside to answer the phone, Shelly called over her shoulder, “Tim, you wait for me before you open that cellar door, okay?”  Without waiting for an answer, Shelly grabbed the phone.

“Shelly…Shelly?  Is that you?”

  

“Hi, Grandma!  Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon after your visit yesterday!  What….”  

“Shelly, listen to me.  I found out about the folks who built your house.  Shelly, whatever you do, DO NOT open that cellar door!  You hear me…?  Shelly?”

A distant scream sounded and then the line went dead.

Post note:  This photo was intriguing!  Through some trail following, this is its original site:
http://www.ibrattleboro.com/article.php/20120602191544182
Thanks, Laura!!!

Yellow Airplane

Delores at myfeatherednest

Flying in this yellow box with wings and engine, Florence clutched her new Coach handbag.  It cost her $600, and dammit, she deserved it.

When her fiance, Winthrop, decided to take her up in his brother's plane, Florence hesitated.  James was an excellent pilot, she had been told.

After a spectacular loop and bank, Winthrop turned to her with a giant diamond ring in hand, "Will you marry me, Flo?"

Florence looked at him in a daze.  She opened her $600 Coach handbag.  "Blaaah!" and she threw up.

Many thanks to Delores @ The Feathered Nest  for this lovely soiree.

An invite to a party?  To a blog party at Gary's site  Man.  It has been decades since I have been to a fling like this.  I was young then.  Thin.

The model looks fabulous....

First, the dress.  NO, first the fat-suppressing undergarment.

  

 Ugghhh…Grrrooan…Ouch…Inhale, exhale…..snap, hook, zip…tug, tug…ahhh, it is on.  Now, pray for no hot-flashes.

Next, the dress.  Let’s see what I have in here. No. No.  Oh, heavens, no!  What was I thinking when I bought that??  Oh, there you are.  I forgot all about you.  I will call you ‘vintage’, and everyone will think I am clever.

 

Hose?  Yes, varicose veins aren’t attractive. 

Shoes—I can stand these in short chunks of time, say, three minutes at a time.

Make-up, check.  Done by the stylist who disguised my gray, and plucked my brows.

I decided against the nose ring.

Honey?  Honey?  Are you ready?  You’re wearing THAT?  Fine.  Fine.  You can stand by the window, behind the curtains, with the rest of the husbands who insisted on sandals and white socks, Duluth™ firehouse jeans, suspenders, and that new flannel plaid shirt. 

(We have pulled up in our 1999 Nissan Altima, and parked behind a Hummer.)

The music…Listen!  They’re playing “Lady in Red”…honey?  Oh, I see, the curtains…all your astronomy club friends are there.  Hi, Ernest!

I wish, Delores, I could say that I danced all night, sang Karaoke with Elisa, and handled my champagne with the best of them.  But, I said “Hi!” to Gary, showed off for five minutes, and then started yawning.

It was time for American Idol, and my honey never misses that.  Besides it will take me half the night to get out of the #$%@ girdle and to scrape the make-up off my face. 

But, I had a grand time, and everyone looked awesome.  Congratulations, again, Gary, on your 5^th anniversary as a blogger! 

Happy 5th Anniversary, Gary!

Please click on the address beneath the Moet to visit Gary's site and wish all the best!!