Quintessential Radio: Delia, Oh, Delia

Quincy, Illinois

Annnndd, we’re back.  I’m Jimmy on WGEM with Dr. Bill chewing the fat with Joliet Federal Penitentiary inmate, J.C. Today is “why did you murder someone?”

Dr. Bill…Greetings one and all. We have J.C. to tell us about Delia. (Clears throat). Okay, Johnny boy, tell us why and how you killed Delia.

J.C…Delia, oh Delia. Delia, all my life. If I hadn’t shot poor Delia, I’d have had her for my wife…(loud sniffing). Delia’s gone, one more round, Delia’s gone.

Dr. Bill…Darn straight confession here, Johnny. What brought you here? Why kill Delia? (dim chuckling into the mic). Big time loser, here Jimmy, commercial time. Bring me a beer?

J.C…Well, I went up to Memphis and met Delia there. Found her in her parlor, tied her in her chair. Now, Delia’s gone. (Nose blowing). One more time, Delia’s gone.

Dr. Bill…Hey, now. Why in hell would you kill someone like Delia? I mean, are you such a lowlife you’d do this? Okay, Jimmy. Make that two beers.

J.C…Well, Delia was low down and trifling and she was cold and mean. That kind of evil make me want to grab my submachine. (amused laugh).

Dr. Bill… A submachine gun? Good grief, man.  Nothing else would take her down?  Soooo, then what happened?  Jimmy, are you recording this?

J.C… First time I shot her, I shot her in the side. (Chuckling and profanity)

Dr. Bill… Jimmy? Look this guy’s name up, okay? In her side? Not a kill shot, Johnny boy. Why not? In fact, that was sadistic. Man, that was just plain cold.

J.C…Hard to watch her suffer, but with the second shot, she died. (Sound of toilet flush. A string of obscenities.)

Dr. Bill… Okay, now. Johnny boy, your lack of remorse is amazing. You killed her, man!  What bothers you about any of her murder? Jimmy, once J.C. is done here, we gotta hit our favorite burger and beer joint.

J.C… Jailer, oh, jailer. (Who’s up for some weightlifting?) I can’t sleep ‘cause all around my bedside I hear the patter of Delia’s feet. Delia’s gone, on more time.

Dr. Bill… Okay, J.C. let’s wrap this up. So what’re your final words of advice to all those innocent inmates?

J.C… So, if your woman’s devilish you can let her run. Or you can bring her down and do her like Delia got done. Delia’s gone, one more round, Delia’s gone. (Guard, guard! Get me outta here.)

Dr. Bill… Well there you have it folks. Know anyone on lifetime vacations? Heavy swearing. Delia, oh, Delia. How did you get hooked up with one cold hearted bastard?