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| Mom's senior high school photo |
My mother never told these detailed stories, ever. Instead, she talked with us as we worked with her. We would be washing dishes and she would have us laughing at some event from her youth. A small event, like going to dances at her high school when she was sixteen, would have my sister and me in stitches.
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| Mom in High School |
Mom was vivacious. Mom loved people and they remembered her for her kindness and enthusiasm. Mom was born in 1928, part of the Greatest Generation. Mom grew up on a farm. Mom was a cheerleader and played the flute in HS. Mom did...
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| Baby brother Donald with Mom and Dad, 1947 |
How do I weave those brief memories into a picture of who my mother was and how did those parts make her who she was?
As writers, what do you do with characters about whom you have to build around, to construct with pieces of understanding? How honest do you have to be when this is a telling of someone like my mom? And keep the story true and solid?
How do I keep my voice accurate in trying portraying their voice? Her voice. Do I try to create a new persona for Mom?
Also, what do I do to be true to the character when their persona has flaws? In my Aunt Helen, her voice includes profanity. In real life, Aunt Helen did not do this. However, she held onto the anger of her growing-up years for her entire life. Her photos show that. So, I endowed her with inward profane dialogue.
If I had that anger, what would I do to release it? What would you do with this way to express the character's anger?
So there you have it. And here I ask you: What do I do? What can I do? What would you do?
Best to let it flow and see how it turns out. Can tell if it doesn't fit. But never know until you try and weave the bits as one. Much harder when it is real and the truth though. Fiction you can just weave in whatever you want.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. Now I have to let the controlling factor in me that will let this happen. Thanks, Pat.
DeleteHow, apart from the photos, did your Aunt Helen express her anger? Or did she just hang on to it (a poisonous brew)?
ReplyDeletePerhaps if you just, as Pat suggests, let it flow and then read it (aloud?) and see if you recognise the people depicted.
Aunt Helen didn't forgive easily. Until the end of her life, the pain and burdens of her youth haunted her.
DeleteI have no idea. I'd guess write a scene where your mother is telling a story while you're doing something else and see where it goes?
ReplyDeleteMy brother doesn't want to lose anyone's stories, so he brings around his video camera and interviews relatives. He made sure to interview his wife's grandfather many years ago. For years her grandfather went to my SIL's high school to tell the story of how he survived Pearl Harbor. My brother got that on camera. The grandfather is gone now, more than a decade.
God bless your brother. These videos are invaluable and he is most likely so happy that he did this. I hope he continues with this.
DeleteI live in a community where there is a disappearing population of WW2 veterans. This is something I could do.
What would I do? Imbue your mother with the perennial warmth and bubbliness that was hers, and try to sort her stories chronologically as much as you can. High school dances would have happened in the year 19---, other things would have happened before this or that, or perhaps after. just do the best you can with what you remember and what other relatives can tell you.
ReplyDeleteI can hear her voice. Thanks for advising that her stories can be woven with snatches of memories.
ReplyDeleteA friendly person was nice to me once and I gained true friendship. For the first time I learned to appreciate the difference between someone talking at me and someone chatting with me and enjoying my company.
ReplyDeleteThat makes a lot of sense.
DeleteWow, that's a tough one. I really don't know what I would do. Maybe I'd have to think about it or maybe I'd just try writing and see what happened.
ReplyDeletePart of my problem is that I am always correcting and editing while I am in process of creating the story. I would guess that could be called anal or controlling. Letting go and just let the story flow on its own lines must be the answer.
DeleteWhat a lovely photo.
ReplyDeleteYou know them well, they will push through and let you know how they want their story told.
That makes sense. In a way, "channeling" their voices.
DeleteYou know what you want to say and let it come from your heart. These people helped form your life, you owe them their truth.
ReplyDeleteYes, after comments, the stories will be easier to pull together. the advice from all has given "permission" to connect and surround.
DeleteThose are the best kind of stories. My mother is 90 (born in 1928 also) and I really pay attention now when she recounts past events. When I was younger I did a lot of eye rolling at stories from my elders.
ReplyDeleteOh, the famous eye rolls of our younger years! How wonderful you still have your mom. Write the stories down, record/video your Mom.
ReplyDeleteOh how blessed you were ...having parents who freely shared their early lives! I never thought to record my parents; today, I struggle to remember my father's voice. Years ago I was really 'into' a Life History writing class; unfortunately, it came to nothing.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to hearing where your story leads!
PS - Thanks so much for dropping by and introducing yourself. I've a strong hunch I'm going to like it here. :)
I am blessed. My family had lived in that area since the 1820s. There are so many stories.
DeleteThank you for hopping over! Looking forward to seeing your name.
Keep us posted on how this project goes.
ReplyDeleteHope your muse is continually whispering in your ear:)
Many commentators have me approaching this in a direction I believe can help.
DeleteIt's interesting that our mothers were of about the same age and we both had an Aunt Helen. I guess portrayal should be based on intent and whatever the real story is that you want to tell. I guess I'd be true to life in describing my parents, but then I might have a more sentimental eye these days.
ReplyDeleteNow you've got me thinking down philosophical rabbit holes.
Arlee Bird
Tossing It Out
You will find your way out, I am sue.
DeleteI am appreciating the advice from all. I think I am finding my way out of my own rabbit hole.
Lovely portrait of your mother.
ReplyDeleteInteresting question, regarding filling in the details of a character. In my opinion, too many writers share too much information up front. They dump the notebook on you the instant a new character is introduced. Life isn't like that. You latch onto a few distinguishing details and mysteries are gradually revealed over time, if ever. I admire the authors who can manage that slow, subtle trickle of information artfully. Feels more human. Frankly, it's more fun.
That's the way I will approach it. Have my mom's character revealed through her "dance" and hint about her grandmother.
DeleteIt has given so much to me and my thinking to read these.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your "Gift, Freely Given" on the other blog. It's a real blessing that your father so freely shared detailed stories of his life, because that makes it a lot easier for you to recreate them, but since your mother's personality was so different, it's going to present a greater challenge. But maybe it doesn't have to be. Your dad kinda gave you a map to follow when it comes to his life, but you mom preferred to scribble tidbits on napkins. That's part of who she was, so why try to conform her personality into a kind of storytelling that's better suited to your dad? Your dad gave you fully-formed pieces of jewelry, but your mom gave you a bunch of precious gems. Can't you share each gem on its own, in a manner that's less chronological and more focused on the emotions her stories evoked in you? Allow readers to experience your father with their minds and your mom with their hearts.
ReplyDeleteI dunno if that even makes sense. Maybe I need another cuppa tea...
Anyhow, I wish you all the luck in the world with this project. My guess is it's gonna be fabulous.
Your analogy is perfect. I am anxious to start this new post on my other blog. Thank you; that is great.
DeleteI think a lot depends on whether or not you were told things in confidence. If someone confided a deep, dark secret to you, you probably need to respect that, even if it means leaving out part of their story. After all, it's their story to tell or not tell.
ReplyDeleteAs far as using profanity or not, how would she feel about it? If she was horrified by it, or would be humiliated for people to think she spoke that way, then I wouldn't use it.
You can always use parts of their stories, especially if you want to change them, add profanity, etc in fiction, and never say who certain characters are based on. Just change up enough of the details so it's not blatantly obvious.
My aunt lived with anger for so many issues, and while profanity may not have emerged, but knowing her as I did,she'd swear.
DeleteI really appreciate your insights. That means a lot.
Hi, Susan. Long time, no see! I mean seriously, it's been over 2 years since I blogged, and I am just now thinking about reviving it. Not sure who would visit but I have stories to tell and I feel the need to write again, whether anyone reads my blog or not.
ReplyDeleteOne of those stories is that my mom passed away suddenly last year (June of 2017). At the time, the emotions were too raw to write, and so much time has lapsed that I don't know where to jump in now.
Suggestions?
My mom sounds much like yours. SHe wasn't a big storyteller--that's my dad's forte. She wasn't a big talker and didn't like small talk. When she spoke, there was much wisdom--nuggets of gold in three or four words. I have an aunt (her sister) much like your Helen. Angry and bitter from the hurts and abuses of childhood. Her vernacular is rife with profanity. She would not be offended if I wrote the way she speaks, for she is also eloquent and a superb writer. My mom's anger (from many of the same issues as my aunt's) would show up in bursts after a major event (like a daughter's wedding) or holiday when pain was great. But she didn't use profanity. You could see it in her facial expression, body language, a cluck of her tongue, a long sigh, a "well, if that's the way you want to be..." But those times were comparatively few compared to her usual, gentle, wise, compassionate ways. I would say honor your mother and your aunt. That doesn't mean sanitize everything--they had their flaws--but perhaps focus on the emotions and situations that would bring the stories and colorful language to the fore. If you don't want to use profanity in dialogue, perhaps use some euphemisms. My mom's Midwestern favorites were "shoot" and "dadgummit." I never knew those were substitute words when I was growing up, but they conveyed the anger or frustration.
Zoanna! I am so thrilled to see your name!!! I look forward to head to your site!
DeleteFamilies. You have such great stories to tell, and I hope you do that!