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Sunday, May 29, 2016

Life is too short to....well, lots of things...


"Life is too short to drink cheap wine" is now repeated way too often, but it is still has meaning. With that thought, life is too short to do many activities.  Here are a few I have compiled.  In the comment section, please add your own thoughts.

Life is too short to:

...always order chicken from a menu because it is the cheapest entree.

...buy and eat CostCo or store bought sushi.

...use duct tape over and over to mend the same object; this indicates laziness.

...be ignorant of history.

...be mean.

...eat freezer-burned meat


freezer burned sausage links
freezer burned meat

...stay out of the rain.

...avoid stomping in a rain puddle.

...watch TV for hours and hours.

...play video games non-stop.

...miss a sunset.

...waste your time.

...be bitter.

...hold a grudge.

...miss opportunities to learn.

...lose a friend by choice.

...forget those who helped you when you were helpless.

...accept rudeness from a check-out or store clerk.

...make judgments. (Only God has that right.)

...run away from problems.

...eat stale grocery products.

...use cheap toilet paper.

...buy store-bought pies.

...hold back love.

...sleep on an old mattress.

...give up on people, relatives.

...walk quickly through a rose garden.

...dismiss an art museum as "boring".

...to walk by a child without giving him/her a smile.

This list is probably short compared to what could be.  Add some below.

Friday, May 27, 2016

WW...the life of a Dodge Charger, Fire Red




Charles sighed deeply, gazing at his brand new, fresh off the show room floor, Fire Red Dodge Charger, lying in a field just off the road. Just a dent...I wouldn't mind that.  But this??

Taking that last U-bend on hwy. 238 and then skidding to miss a stray sheep had sent Fire Red spinning out and over onto weeds and grass of some rancher's field.

It did not matter now how many fluoride rinses and teeth extractions Dr. Charles Bentley, DDS, had done to buy Fire Red, now a totaled mass of metal, seat belts, open door, and shattered windows. 

He managed to "extract" his phone, and call 911. Sigh.


Note: there was no way I could insert "espionage" into this and keep a cohesive story.  Instead the Table of Elements will come into play. You will need to use a magnifying glass to read this.


The Periodic Table Of The Elements
This page provides names of the symbols.

Es = Einsteinuim**;  P = Phosphorous; I = Iodine; O = Oxygen; Na = Sodium; and, Ge = Germanium

**This is an element, a mighty small one, named after Alfred Einstein. It is metallic and radioactive with a life of 20.8 minutes.

Works for me.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

It is only another a birthday--get over yourself...

My wedding cake did not look this nice!
Dear Janis,

How I enjoyed talking with you to celebrate your 60th birthday!  Listen, turning sixty is not painful, honey.  In fact, it has perks.

You were always sitting at "Little Girl" table, only you did not realize it.  That table complains about going to the gym, missing out on desserts for weight issues, etc.  Now?  Eat the damn dessert, screw going to the gym.    The Big Girl table still does yoga on occasion, but eats the creme' brulee.
  
People will/may ask you for advice about all sorts of problems.   The Big Girl can share a wealth of that knowledge beyond the question asked, when they wish you would shut up. Let your accumulation of grouchiness cut loose, and to hell with 'em.  

You  can go to movies, get the discount (pitiful as it is) and say "Excuse me" walking past lines seemingly without realizing it.  Even pass some gas along the way. 

And, this is the best one, we smile knowingly at those 40 - 50 year old women who are going through menopause. The Big Girl tells them "It will be over really soon!" knowing good and well, it will seem like forever.  WE are in the Big Girl Club and THEY are in the "Misery Knows No Bounds" Club.

Those in the Big Girl Club can ogle young handsome men, even hit on them. Those hunks get embarrassed, but we can freely look at their muscles and tight buttocks, because we are the  Big Girl Club. We are their grandmother's age, and they smile at us and we lust back. They won't "hit" on us--they know it, we know it, but we are in the "Big Girl" Club.

My dear one, there are so many joys of turning sixty.  Now, turning sixty-five really sucks, but it can't be helped. So, get over yourself.

Smiling for you,  
Mom (age 84)