Revenge served up close and personal

 

Any person who rhapsodizes about hanging laundry in fresh air to dry has never done so in the Midwest, and for seven people in the family.  I would have gladly invited them to spend a week with me on our farm. Also, they have never had to iron that laundry, a sizable chore for many afternoons. 

blueberrybucket.tumblr.com

Given that thought, it is important to confirm a few things that are probably a plus.  Hanging and un-hanging was a peaceful time, for no one bothered me.  If they had, they were pressed into service.  Even though it was stinking hot, being alone for awhile was a pleasant change.

One Wednesday as we prepared to attend Wednesday prayer meeting, I was rushing to take down laundry. It was early dusk and was a hurry-up job: remove clothespin, fold item, place in the bushel basket, and move on very quickly.  Once the folded underwear was distributed, my teenage self had to hurry to get ready.

Some time into the service, my teenage brothers began to squirm and cry out.  Then one by one, each leaped to their feet and ran out the church, screaming.

While this pleased me to no end, this event confused me mightily. Whatever their pain was, it was their due since they were each evil masochistic sub-humans. 

Sweat Bee

  
Later, it was discovered that there were sweat bees in their underpants. Yes, those bees with a short-term sting that hurt like the dickens. They are unusual in that they fly around in early dusk and evening. God bless them.  

I was certainly innocent in this, totally innocent. For some reason, the bees had selected their underpants. Why, I don't know. But, my joy knew no bounds.

I fell asleep with a giggle and a smile. Revenge happens when it is least expected.

These sites are blog posts where the evil masochistic brothers made my life a living hell throughout many years.

God bless you, Marvel Comics


The Easter Bunny Cometh

Demon Children on a Plane

How sweet!

No earphones in the world could silence the sound a screaming five-year old girl on an airplane. All thirty jovial family members  were on board heading to Utah. They all were wearing expensive sound-silencing headphones, $300 a pop.

 Beverly glared at them, at their demon child. 

How could they abide demon child? Couldn't they douse the kid with water, yet don't they know splashing cold water in the face of a crazy kid might just shut her up? Did they care?


Of course, there were other methods, but that would be frowned upon.

Let me do it, Just. Let. Me. Do. It! Beverly thought.

Before the plane could zoom to sanity, Beverly was ready to cram her favorite fudge brownies into the devil girl's mouth. Spray whipped cream?

Someone will wreak revenge on you, little devil. Someday.

During our last eleven hour flight from Switzerland, that demon child was one aisle over and about 5 seats away. I discussed this with her mother who said, "But, she's playing with her games!" No duh. For eight stinkin' hours? And the girl fell asleep with 2 hours left.  Words failed me then and still.

The Easter Bunny Cometh

Wednesday Words: Gwynneth

Source

Everything about Gwynneth was superb, absolutely superb.  Former model, elegant, able to pull together magnificent events with seeming ease.  Superb.

Then her world came plummeting about her.  She discovered Geoff, her successful and wealthy husband, between Gynneth’s own satin sheets with her middle-aged maid.  “It’s not what you think…it won’t happen again…I swear this is the first time I have ever…”

But “it” did happen many times, each time with Geoff plying lie after lie.

At the final time, Gwynneth threw his expensive collection of exquisite art at Geoff, as he tried to bluster his way from her rage.  Holding Geoff’s favorite Rodin bronze and venting her anger, Gwynneth brought it crashing down on his head.   It was a glancing blow that knocked him cold. 

Gwynneth made her decision quickly—faster than a lie from her cheating husband.

When Geoff came to consciousness, he saw two pair of glittering eyes looking down at him: His recently disenfranchised business partner, Joe, and Gwynneth.  “You spurious bastard!” Joe snarled.  “You stole everything from me!

Gwynneth purred in her nasal Texas twang as she tugged on the chains around Geoff’s ankles.  “You won’t lie your way out of this one!”

Together Joe and Gynneth released the hold on the heavy chains, sending a screaming Geoff to his watery death.

Geoff now lies for eternity.

Source: messersmith

If you enjoyed this post, it is inspired by Delores @ Under the Porch Light.  Each week this clever woman supplies participants with a list of words and a sentence prompt.  You may access other excellent bloggers by clicking on the photo of a stream in the right sidebar!  Enjoy!