The dark cloud has hung over me from the day I recognized a deep black grit had filled me when it descended. I tried to reason it out, I was only eight years old.
The black cloud hung over me forever it seemed, but it came and went as it pleased.
The blackness came to visit me often. My heart was so heavy, my head was almost numb with the blackness. That was when I went to the window in my upstairs bedroom, sat on the ledge, swung my legs out, and then contemplated this action.
Then I looked down the road and saw Dad’s old truck rumbling up the gravel road from town. I swung my legs back in, collapsed on the bed, and wept.
Once I understood what the darkness did, and while I could not fight it, I could withstand it. This was my life, deal with it.
I grew up with the dark cloud off in the distance, always there always threatening. I went from 8 years old to 30 in a flash.
With three children watching TV with their father, I went into the half bathroom where there were no windows, closed the door and sat in the dark. There were rumblings of thoughts about the windowsill, and I wondered if it was that time again. I stared into the corner of the room, where no light showed. As I stared, a figure emerged slowly, growing with its own throbbing light surrounding
The figure grew and grew until it was the size of a doll. Frozen in fear and recognition, I knew this was Satan. As sure as I write this, I was sure it was the evil the Bible spoke about.
I heard my children playing, and that was when God gave the Lord’s Prayer to my brain and my mouth.
The moment, the very moment the words came from my mouth, Satan disappeared, in a flash. The room was grey now, and I turn on the light. Opening the door, there was a peace that surround me.
Has the darkness disappeared? No, but I see it in the distance and sought God immediately. God fills me daily while Satan hovers outside the door, watching for a break in my heart and mind.
I have never ever told anyone about this. Depression is something that is not just a sadness. It is a destructive attack on one who is susceptible. But lately, there has beena door knocker waiting. Lately, that has been my struggle.
Why? Age, health, pain, surgeries are big issues in my life. I cannot quilt anymore, and playing the piano is almost impossible. At least, my words still come easily.
Pray for me and all who wrestle with this torture that appears without being called.
I went to see Dr. Shester, a psychiatrist,worked with me to see a light more than dark. I have been taking meds for the past 25 years and that has given me peace. Also a talented psychologist helped me work through the weight that depression has.
