Gravity is not my friend.

wedding-venues.co.UK

I have nooo idea where I found this. A few years ago, I shrugged it off. Now?

I found a hair there under my chin,
And I yanked that sucker out,
But wouldn't you know, the very  next day,
Two more began to sprout.
I don't know what's happening;
It's a perplexing change of pace,
My arms and legs are going bald,
But I've gotta shave my face.

It's such a rotten travesty;
My tummy once was flat.
But now my hourglass is mostly ass,
And my waist has turned to fat.
My body's slowly sagging,
And I don't look so hot;
If a man wants to ogle my bosom now,
I'm afraid he'll have to squat.

But that's okay, 'cause I'm still here,
Of life I'm still a part.
So what if when I bend or stretch,
I leak a little fart?
I've lots of life and love in store,
Though I'm not young and shiny;
If ya wanta know the truth,
Old age can kiss my heinie.

FaceBook, American in the 1950s

Hopefully this will not offend those who read this.  While it is aimed straight to females, I am absolutely positive a male can nod with understanding. Perhaps he could write a male version of this?

With all luck, use of this poem will not violate some copyright or what-not.

St. Patrick and Gravity

I don't drink...

To have “Casual Friday” coincide with St. Patrick’s Day gave Sean real joy.  He had some nice new khaki shorts, new shamrock socks, a new authentic tee shirt, and some old green shamrock underwear he'd had for years. 

tees made as you want

Sean was decked out and ready to go, ready to work, ready to present a power point to some higher-ups…just plain ready.

He didn’t notice any problem until break when the underwear started creeping down.  Sean hiked them up and cursed that he had not thought to wear a belt.

Ten minutes later the damn underwear was creeping even lower, almost to the hem of the khakis.  Sticking his hands into the pockets and grabbing them seemed the most effective thing he could do.

But walking around with hands-in-pockets had some draw backs.  Now having to grip the underwear seemed obscene.  Thankfully, power point time came and the lights went out.

Even so, while he nervously spoke, the underwear gave in to gravity, sagging until each leg sported a curtain effect of shamrock undies.  Only the crotch had any hold on them.

End of power point, still dark, had Sean racing to the men’s room where he stripped off the blasted things.  Time to go commando.   

A Serious Force

Recently, several bloggers have experienced in a serious way the biggest force of nature known to man:

Gravity

Oh, I have always known and respected gravity.  It has shaped everything about me, quite literally.  Every line on my face cries out, “Gravity did this!” 

The drooping arch of branches says, “Look!  See this!  Gravity!”

A treasured vase crashing into tiny shards shouts, “See what Gravity did?!”

Simple stumble over an unseen obstacle sends an adult colliding with concrete.  The broken bone(s) scream, “Damn you, Gravity!”

Gravity is immediate in its results.  

Gravity is inexorable in its demands.  

Gravity is consistent in its behavior.  

Gravity is ever-present.  

Gravity is a great equalizer.  

Gravity dictates the physical results on Earth.

Gravity is one grave force of nature.

Live with it.  Or not.  It's still has the same effect.