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Grandma and Grandpa Cardiff with four daughters: Mom, Minerva, RoseMary, and Vada. Hoarding
is at last a recognized danger, especially for older people. Most people can think of friends and family that fit into the category,
having no idea how to help people who are strong in denial, strong in
holding onto the towers that are part, of their history and collections over
decades.
My
late brother and his wife lived on the edge of implosion. When he died,
their house had just a narrow path through to bedroom, bathroom, and
kitchen. Why our family did not see this as a mental issue and not a character flaw, I will never understand. Then, my precious Aunt and husband were the same. Can't bring myself to describe her home, except for this one story. A neighbor gave a sweet potato to my Aunt Vada and husband Uncle Darrell. Their counters and table were so crowded that pots and pans were on the floor. The kitchen table had just enough places for eating, boxed in by whatever. A sweet potato had been placed on it and eventually fell behind the table, onto the floor. She didn't remember it was there. One day a mysterious vine crept up onto the table. Startled, she peered under the table. The sweet
potato had new vines winding up and around the table. She laughed
loudly and unwound it all, telling all friends and family about it. The
new plant was placed on the TV cabinet.
Dang it. That monster went like a snake over the cabinet and down to the TV. Then it twisted around and down across the TV. At that point, her son came visiting and whistled with amazement. Within an hour or two, the vines were tossed out in the trash. Since then, Aunt Vada believes it is 1964 and asks about my mom. Aunt Vada was my "crazy fun aunt", being only 15 years old when I was born. She held me, rocked me, changed my diapers. She is the one remaining sister. This is serious. Think about those whom you love. Check in on them. They were part of your life at one time. Now it is time for you to renew that relationship. Her son Sean tried to attack the stuff laying around, out of their sight. The basement was stacked from floor to the floorboards. Over time, he managed to clear out money that Uncle Darrell had sequestered away within those newspapers. At last count, there was $600,000 and more. Where did it all come from?? Aunt Vada's husband Uncle Darrell was a state police officer and she was a secretary for the city. Where? | P |
We all speculated and could not come up with an answer. The answer had to be something that was illegal.
Hoarding is more than hanging onto those items that were handed down from ancestors. Hoarding is a mental issue.
If you know an adult who is like Aunt Vada, take care to check in on them now and then. No guarantee that there won't be a sweet potato involved.
I haven't personally known anyone who could be classified as a hoarder, Susan, but Danny certainly has encountered one in his time. I agree that it is a mental issue, not just who someone is or what he or she does. Thanks for sharing this so honestly with us. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteMy aunt is now in a facility for her final years. What Sean does with all the belongings piled around that house? I don't know.
DeleteLike all mental issues it is very hard to treat. Or even control.
ReplyDeleteIt is scary to observe. I didn't understand my sis-in-law at all. Her mother was a cruel woman and made her life hell.
DeleteA good friend of mine’s husband was a hoarder. Boxes everywhere and my poor friend was ashamed to have anyone over. When her husband passed unexpectedly, she used the time she should have been grieving to UN- hoard. It took 6 mos but she finally freed herself to where she could finally grieve the wonderful man she loved dearly except for his hoarding in his latter years.
ReplyDeleteGod bless her! She kept his world unchanged until he passed.
DeleteMy sister-in-law's grandparents lived in a similar state a couple decades ago. SIL and my brother came in and cleared out their house. Their last years were spent much better, in a cleaned up and remodeled house. (They passed about 20 years ago.)
ReplyDeleteHaving a livable home is so important to ones health, physical and mental. Your brother and sis-in-law had a rough job to do.
DeleteIt's not easy from any direction.
ReplyDeleteHoarding starts out slowly and then explodes over time.
DeleteMy older sister was born with some brain damage and when she began school mum drummed into her thta all her things must have her name on them and she wasn't to give anything away. Years later, she is 76, still writes her name (full name not just initials) on everything she buys and NEVER gives anything away, and sadly often doesn't throw away things that are rubbish, like empty cans from things like Milo (ovaltine similar), because she bought them so they are hers and she must not give her things away. So she is a hoarder, but most of the stuff is now in boxes in a big shed in her yard, though I dare say more has crept into the house again. When my brother and I make our yearly visit, we sit and talk on her front porch. No one is allowed inside.
ReplyDeleteWhere does she live? Are there social services for elderly for home management?
DeleteSo many things for us to pray about.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
There are so many things we need to lift up to God.
Deletethanks for the memory of growing sweet tater vines. Maybe I can grow one to take the place philomenia left empty by dying of neglect.
ReplyDeleteI am the opposite of hoarder and can hardly stand to see hoarder houses. we have a neighbor that did that, the people who clerds her house took 2 months to clear it out.. FIVE of those dumpster they drop in your driveway to hold trash.
Oh my. When my s-in-law passed away, there was so much trash in her laundry room. There was a huge mound of clothing and a variety of strange thing. In the mound were clothes that she had purchased and never even took the tags off. There were also kitty litter boxes with stuff in it. There had not been a cat for long time.
DeleteDear Susan what an insightful and thoughtful post 👍♥️
ReplyDeleteI read it twice ,because I wanted to understand word hoarding whom google wasn’t helping until I wrote with it mental illness.
I am sorry that few of your family members had such issue!
I loved how close you were to your aunt Veda who was fifteen and older than you.yes such age gaps are seen in my in laws as well.one of my brother in law is very close to his niece and nephews who are around his own age ☺️
I have been lucky to have mom who was very neat and disciplined in her household.she saved for her daughters only so she can gift them on their wedding day 🥹
No extra stuff
Though hubby had this issue but thankfully on my constant insistence he get rid off all old things he had stuffed.he never repeated that again
Hugs♥️
I always enjoy your comments! Aunt Vada is now in late stages of dementia. She lives in Missouri, and I live here in California. It is difficult to picture my aunt as old. She will always be about 25 yrs. old.
DeleteGrandma's second floor had narrow paths to the bed in the bedroom there. The first floor was spotless except... she would save food until it rotted or molded. Then she would try to feed it to people.
ReplyDeleteOh, my. so sorry that she had that surrounding her.
Delete