Q-R Post: Quintessential Radio, part 2

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Radio Host:  Okay, you’re on live.  How can Dr. Love help you?

Male voice:  Okay…I wrote this girl a letter…I gave it to the postman and he put it in his sack…

Dr. Love:  So he put the letter in his sack, and…?

Male voice:  (sobs) Bright and early next morning, he brought the letter back…

Dr. Love:  So, the letter was returned?

Male voice:  …she wrote upon it:  Return to sender, address unknown…

Dr. Love:  You had a quarrel?  A lover’s spat?

Male voice:  I wrote “I’m sorry!” But my letter keeps coming back…(indistinct nose blowing).

Dr. Love:  So, the letter was returned....What did you do next?

Male Voice:  So then I dropped it in the mailbox, sent it special D (delivery)…

Dr. Love:  And the next morning…?

Male voice: It came right back to me…RETURN TO SENDER…

Dr. Love:  Same thing?  Address unknown?

 

Male voice:  ...and, ‘No such person…No such zone’! (soft crying)

Dr. Love:  What the heck?  What’ll you do next?

Male voice:  This time, I’m gonna take it myself!

Dr. Love:  And put it right in her hand?  Isn’t that stalking?  I mean, really?

Male voice:  …if it comes back the very next day, then I’ll understand the writing on it…

Dr. Love:  I think that is best.  Take a hint.  Move on, buddy.  Move on...Next Caller, line 2...something about "Your Cheatin' Heart" you're saying?...

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Samuel and Santa Continue..

We have all been there...HehHeh

Holding Samuel’s hands in a firm gloved grip, Santa leaned in, “I see that Ginger and you have formed an alliance.  That won’t end well for her, so back off.”  Santa let loose with another HO! HO! HO!  “That birthday party, well, what can I say?  It was a brilliant, but you deserve a boatload of coal on that one…”

Santa proceeded to reveal his knowledge about The Father’s electric shaver and Mother’s fancy boots.  About the garage black operation with the oil can and the neighbor’s convertible.  All of the things no one could prove.  He had seen so much, everything.

Get it over, Old Man.  I have a list of things I want for Christmas:  First, Nana needs to move out of the house, and…

But Santa cut him off.  “HO! HO!...”  He was cut off with a deeply felt groan after Samuel aimed a good hard shoe at Santa’s family jewels.

 

A very special gift for you, and it should be delivered very soon...

Santa’s eyes never lost its twinkle.  “Well, Samuel.  I have a very special gift for you, and it should be delivered very soon.  So, down ye go, lad.  Go about your business.  The tree by the exit will do nicely.”

Samuel smiled with delight.  As he wiggled down off Santa’s lap, Samuel cut loose with a long held fart.  They both smiled.  All was understood.

As Nana and The Mother stopped to get the photo, their backs were turned.  Samuel found the tree by the exit.  With a great sigh, Samuel unzipped and let the stream of yellow pee flow deep into the tree’s roots.  He zipped up, turning in time to see Santa give him a thumbs-up.  Maybe the Fat Guy is not so bad…I wonder if that is what he does to our Christmas tree…

He knows when you've been sleeping, he knows when you're awake...This always creeped me out.

Note:  so many new readers wondered about Samuel's backstory.  I have created a new blog which starts today and will run the old Samuel stories.  I will continue to post the new ones here and add them there.  Here is the address: http://sekanewriter.blogspot.com