Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I do! I do!

All photos via Bing.Com
It is the season of the brides coming up.  June traditionally became the month for weddings centuries ago when life revolved around agriculture.  Spring planting was done; it would be hay mowing time in a few weeks.  Also, any bride who soon found herself with child in July or August wouldn’t give birth until April or May, which gave the newborn infant the best weather for surviving the newborn stage.  Also, I think there may have been some druid connection, but that is pure speculation on my part.

Oh, to be young and in love!
In fact, my niece Sarah is getting married in a week.  The wedding will be on the beach just south of Santa Barbara, and it will be beautiful, because they are in love, and they are both beautiful people.  We are looking forward to the wedding, seeing our relatives, dancing on the beach, and watching the carousing of the young adults.  Our carousing days ended a while ago, and we will head back to the hotel for free HBO. 

Should I be asked (and I doubt I will), I have some excellent advice for the couple.  This is year #39 for us, and boy have we learned a lot in those 39 years.  So, for brides or young married couples everywhere, here is some worthy advice:

This was to good to pass up.
1.  The behaviors you found most entertaining, amusing, and attractive when you first met will soon become the most irritating.  In fact, as the years go by, and those ‘cute things’ don’t change as you think they should, you will start snapping at him/her about those ‘behaviors/habits’.

2.  Basically, both spouses are innately slobs.  Yes, yes, you are.  You were allowed to be that way by your mother who enabled you by picking up for you OR you became that way when you were living on your own.  Get over yourselves, and discuss your expectations.  What is acceptable?  What is not?  Hint:  Taking off your socks and flapping them around in the living room is really the height of disgusting.  Don’t do it.
Even Kate has to deal with it.
She is someone's mother.

3.  No one’s mother is allowed to come by without at least an hour’s notice.  A whole hour, not ten minutes.  Showing up is forbidden.  No, don’t let them guilt you into allowing them to break this rule.  Yes, they will have to deal with it.
We all need a shoulder to cry on.
  4.The best shoulder to cry on is that of your spouse, not your best friend or your parents.  What you and your beloved share is between you two, and you two only.  No one needs to know about the crappy stuff that happens, and no one should ever have that information to spread around.  It gets to be like manure:  the more that gets spread around, the more it stinks. There is a proviso here:  If any spouse discovers that the other spouse is abusive, controlling, or manipulative, get help!  Seek professional intervention, and inform your family of your needs.  No one has to put up with this in a marriage, ever. 
It is what is.

5.  What you really want to have at the end of your life is to hold the hands of the person who wears your wedding ring.  Those are the hands that held you, helped you, loved you, and walked through life with you.   Hopefully, both of your hands will be old, age-spotted, and gnarly.  And you, the bride, should be wearing one big hunkin’ diamond.

Whether you agree with me, well, that is up for debate.  If you want more advice, you know where to find me.  I’ll be here.  


  1. It couldn't be more perfect to start the morning reading this-- as it's my 8th wedding anniversary TODAY!!!
    I laughed and nodded along with all of these. This is wonderful advice. Thank you!!!

  2. Well it's been 37 years for us and yes the hands are age spotted and leathery but no, there is no honking big diamond. Where did I go wrong?

  3. Great advice. You have no idea how many people I have encountered that will discuss their marital problems with EVERYONE except their spouse! Great post! Blessings, Joanne

  4. What a beautiful post. Oh and a wedding on the beach--how amazing would that be :)

    #4 is so true.

  5. I LOVE this post - too many people forget the little, but important things. I'm so glad to see someone who has stuck with it tell it like it is - congratulations and thank you for sharing!

  6. Susan, I love this post!! What wonderful advice! Too bad I can't take you out to coffee and glean more wisdom from you!! We are going on strong for 14 years and I still get butterflies before he walks in the diamond choice. I paint and dig in the dirt too much!!!

    Have a wonderful day!

  7. Haha, I am getting married 1 year from tomorrow so these are very helpful!

  8. Great advice and great to know those little everyday things are there for everyone (just some look more perfect from the outside than others)

  9. A wonderful post and every happiness to the bride and groom.
    Most enjoyable to read.


  10. Oh I agree with point 1 entirely! Fun adavice. My hubby is obsessively tidy and finds me frustrating at times because I don't always put stuff away (as I need it to remind me that I'm still working on/with it) :O)

  11. Super advice. Some of the best, actually. And you deliver it with humor. Advice given in grave tones is so hard to take.

    I love this sentence: "Our carousing days ended a while ago, and we will head back to the hotel for free HBO."

    Thanks for being a faithful visitor to my blog.


  12. Perfect advice! All so true. You should know, having had such a long happy marriage. Marriage isn't easy. It's not for the sprinter but for the long distance runner.

    I'm so excited to have you read my memoir. I hope you get it soon. I hope I get my free copies soon. Thanks for stopping by. I feel like I know you too, probably because we're both mothers and grandmothers. And I was once, actually twice, a wife.
    Ann Best, Memoir Author

  13. And also because the summer I was 20 I lived in San Diego, and then visited several times many years later when my son and his new wife lived there for a time. I LOVE the place!

  14. Good advice! We're on our seventh year and it's still bliss, so I think we're lucky.

    Congrats on the upcoming wedding. I wish them great joy and happiness.

    The lady who runs the stud farm next door to us says it's time for 'getting married' too. I think she means something different though. She keeps talking about spring grass.

  15. Sounds like a really lovely wedding -an ideal setting for sure.

    Taking off your socks and flapping them around in the living room is really the height of disgusting. Don’t do it. LOL :D
    Great advice - the funny and the serious!

  16. great advise, esp about not telling everyone about your "business".

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