Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Special Occasions

Image result for thanksgiving dinner
My Aunt Vada is one of the most precious people in the world.  She has always been my ‘crazy’ aunt—the one who goes places, tells stories well, listens to me, and communicates with others.  Aunt Vada sends me the funniest stories, some of them not repeatable to anyone other than my close family.  

I think this story would be fine.
                                              The Good Napkins

My mother taught me to read when I was about four years old, thrilling all who heard me. One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar.  I read the box in the cabinet. 

I then asked my mother why she was keeping ‘napkins’ in the bathroom.  “Don’t they belong in the kitchen?” 

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for ‘special occasions’.

Time passes, memories remain…it’s Christmas Day, and my folks were leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner.  Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone.  Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first, and immediately burst into laughter.  Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.  Next came my father, who roared with laughter.  

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a ‘special occasion’ Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top.  I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn’t hang off the edge!!

My mom asked me whyI used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.  “But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!”

Aunt Vada’s friend added, “life is too short for drama and petty things…so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, forgive quickly, and for heaven’s sake, use the good napkins whenever you can.”

Happy Thanksgiving to all! Eat well and eat wisely.

Won't see you all until December 12, will be posting past (historic!) posts until after New Year.  So much to enjoy, so much to give praise to God! Christ Jesus is born! Salvation is ours!

Monday, November 21, 2016

Best of Radio

We're back, taking calls to answer the question of "Regrets?  Looking back on my life..."  First caller on line one.
Radio Personality: So, let's hear it, big fella.  What can you say looking back on your life?

Anonymous:  I'll state it clear...I've lived a life that's...uh...full.  I've traveled down each and every highway...

Radio Personality:  So, you're a traveling man, who lives in cheap motels? Away from the family, huh.  Any regrets?

Anonymous: Regrets?  I've had a few, but then, too few to mention…

Radio Personality: Oh, one of those.  Love 'em and leave 'em? 

Anonymous: I did what I had to do...saw through without exemption...

Radio Personality:  Let me guess:  you planned each careful step, right? Had to, I imagine.

Anonymous:…More, much more than this, I did it my way….

Radio Personality: O-kay, but were there times?  Didn't you ever think you bit off more than you could chew?  You know, the balancing act?

Anonymous: But, through it all…I ate it up and spit it out…faced it all and stood ta…

Radio personality:  I see.  A life of love, laugh, and tears, right?  Yours or your family?  Ever think about 'em?  I mean, didn't you ever think about losing them?

Anonymous:  I’ve had my share of losing, but…now I find it all so amusing!  To think I did all that and…

Radio Personality: AMUSING? But, you’re not shy, are you?  Not humble at all! I bet you shout...

Anonymous: Oh, no, oh, no, not me!  I did it my way!

Radio Personality: Well, then, what IS a man?  What has he got?  If not his family, what is important?

Anonymous: Yes!  If not himself, then he has naught!  To say the things he truly feels…

Radio Personality: NAUGHT? Sure, but these are not the words of one ...?

Anonymous:  ...who kneels!  The record shows…Yes!  I took the blows!

Radio Personality: Well, I'd love to land some blows on you, you narcissistic bastard.  You got a record, a felony record?  

Anonymous:  And did it my way!  Yes, it was my way…

Radio Personality:  Right, buddy.  Whatever you say.  Next caller, line 2?...

Best of Radio, Pt. 2

no such number

Radio Host:  Okay, you’re on live.  How can Dr. Love help you?

Male voice:  Okay…I wrote this girl a letter…I gave it to the postman and he put it in his sack…

Dr. Love:  So he put the letter in his sack, and…?

Male voice:  (sobs) Bright and early next morning, he brought the letter back…

Dr. Love:  So, the letter was returned?

Male voice:  …she wrote upon it:  Return to sender...address unknown…(sniffles) no such such zone...(quiet sobs)

Dr. Love:  Did you had a quarrel?  A lover’s spat?

Male voice:  We had a quarrel...(unknown background noise)...yes, a lover's spat... I wrote “I’m sorry!” But my letter keeps coming back…(indistinct nose blowing).

Dr. Love:  So, the letter was returned....What did you do next?

Male Voice:  So then I dropped it in the mailbox, sent it special D (delivery)…

Dr. Love:  And the next morning…?

Male voiceIt came right back to me…RETURN TO SENDER…address such person such zone...

Dr. Love:  Same thing?  Address unknown?
Male voice:  ...and, ‘No such person…No such zone’! (soft crying)

Dr. Love:  What the heck?  What’ll you do next?

Male voice This time, I’m gonna take it myself!

Dr. Love:  And put it right in her hand?  Isn’t that stalking?  I mean, really?

Male voice:  …if it comes back the very next day, then I’ll understand the writing on it…(mysterious harmony background...ooooo...)

Dr. Love:  I think that is best.  Take a hint.  Move on, buddy.  Move on! Let that girl escape your sad obsession...and get some help...

Next Caller, line 2...something about "Your Cheatin' Heart" you're saying?...

"Best of Radio"...I wrote "Quintessential Radio" for April Bloghop 2013.  Combining Q-R, two notable singers, icons of their time, are featured.  You know them, and now you get to see how vulnerable they were, as the lyrics convey. Gotta love Ol' Blue Eyes and Elvis the Pelvis.