Thursday, December 12, 2019

Apocalyptic Christmas Gift

How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse: The Complete Guide To Urban Survival, Prepping and Zombie Defense. by [Jackson, Ben]
Amazon
2016 was a momentous time for us. After my husband's mother died, we felt a tie being broken. That was when we decided we could move. We had been in our house for 27 years, our children were adults far away, and we needed to be in a community where we could settle for our (hopefully long) senior years.

Box after box, Goodwill trips, trash bins were all part of the experience until we handed our life over to the moving company. Soon our new house was a wall of boxes.

Finding another box to unpack had become routine in our new house. At first there would be a "OhLookatThis!" then there would be a moment of discovery and/or disappointment.  With big sighs or sadness, the box was either unpacked OR closed up to be pitched out.  When will  this stop, I had asked.  When. Will. This. Stop.

“Ah-Ah.”

This was one of the many strange boxes, one that had been hidden in garage rafters, where dust and mites had settled.  Movers had followed blind orders and brought this one to here. On the lid of a battered cardboard box  were words written in our son’s peculiar handwriting, with his peculiar humor. This was a Christmas present for his father.

“If Zombies or commies or Red Chinese attack or Christmas 2013 comes first: Break the seals and open.  Open and prepare your body for Thunder Dome (That is probably the new law).”

I did open the lid, but all the warnings did not come to fruition. Written upside down (for the unfortunate opener) were directions:

(on one side) “These are for laundry, tourniquets, and needless hangings” with an arrow pointing down.

(next side) “Done cleaning? Make your broom do double duty to kill zombies.” Arrow pointing down.

(Last side) “ Instrumental CD which was a combination of music from Jaws + Dune + 1812 Overture.

Strangely, the only contents of the box missing were only the broom (s), but included two pair of binoculars.  And it did include some awesome knives, which were apparently the real present for his father that Christmas.  

Our son has grown to have a successful life and career, become a husband and father. and has maintained his peculiar sense of humor. 

Do we still have some boxes? I know that we do, but it may take a while to find them.  And then what, I ask. 




26 comments:

  1. Good thing Zombies didn't attack before you found that box!

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    Replies
    1. We are so lucky! But now my husband has a good collection of knives, even a sword.

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  2. A sense of humour (sometimes black and often peculiar) has kept me afloat many times.
    I suspect the same is true in your family.

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    1. Humor, dark or otherwise, has been important for us as well.

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  3. Interesting box of surprises :)
    I never leave boxes unpacked when moving in anywhere. everything is sorted within a few days, even if that means repacking some things to give away to Vinnie's.

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    1. A few of those mystery boxes were from the attic in the garage, as was this box. The movers found them after we had moved, and my S in L brought them to us. Some of the boxes were an OHBOY, and then...

      the movers even moved a crate of dirt I'd be using for the garden.

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  4. When I find old objects I always think of the “lives” that these objects had so long ago. I doubt that the people who used them ever imagined that someone in the future would be looking at the object thinking of them. The effects of time are strange and wondrous.

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    1. So true. When we opened a box and pull out something, I thought that exact thought. Where did we get this? How did we use it? And then, those thoughts made me smile. In this case, I chuckled.

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  5. I have moved several times. Twice was exciting and fun. The last not so much. One good thing about moving .... got rid of much junk!

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    1. We also had moved too many times. This last move gave motivation to purge.

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  6. Funny, moving 25-30 times in our lives, For the first hundred years we moved ourselves, We were told when the movers come, make sure the ash trays are empty and trash is out or it will be moved with you.
    Anyway my thoughts went back to some moves as I read this. Even we that moved a lot discovered things forgotten. Yep loved this 'un. Good entry, a thought bringer-backer. I do love your son's sense of humor. I think we have two in our extended family, the twins, witty and wild.

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    1. Every family has to have some off-the-wall, out-of-the-box thinking. Keeps us grounded.

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  7. That is too funny. It must have been hidden well in your old garage.

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    1. Up in the rafters of the garage! Plus other boxes, there were some good and some not so good.

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  8. I love that treasure box. Your son's sense of humor is wonderful.

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  9. I hope you kept that box. You never know!😳

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  10. lol well you never know, they may attack from an alternate reality.

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  11. My company moved me a couple of times, but when I moved to Wichita, I moved myself. I did it in stages, and on weekends. No surprise boxes because I gave so much away to friends before I left my home I'd had for years. Your son has a quirky sense of humor and I'm sure you enjoyed the surprise, ad did your husband.

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  12. Your son would be a person i'd like to get to know, i can tell just from this story!

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    1. He still has a sense of humor, but it is often squelched by his responsibilities.

      Maybe when his boys are older? I hope so.

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  13. Nothing at all wrong with a peculiar sense of humor. I'm more the zombie apocalypse person in our family than my son is, at least with book knowledge But with his hunting and other skills, he would definitely be an asset towards insuring our survival. Those gift knives would help. I hope adult responsibilities don't grind your son's sense of humor down. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

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    1. He will always have that sense of humor, but it is just not at the surface at this point for now. Being an adult is hard sometimes.

      We are loaded for bear here. My husband has always been fascinated with knives, so my son gave in the right gift in all ways.

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Go ahead...it won' t hurt...I'd love to hear what you think!