Monday, March 17, 2014

St. Patrick, not as you think of him


One of the many iconic paintings made of St. Patrick/Padraig



Saint Patrick's Day: At King David’s Pub and Winery

(Scene opens in Heaven, at the Pub.  Seamus and Patrick are sitting at the bar.  Patrick is asleep, with his head on the bar counter.)

Seamus (St. James):  Say, Paddy, now.  Wake up, you idjit. 

Padraig (St. Patrick)/Paddy:  Ah, Seamus.  Can ye not leave a good saint to a daecent sleep?

Seamus:  It’s yer people there, Paddy.  They’re at it again.  (Leaning over his pint, looking down on the velvet green)

Paddy:  Oh, Mother of God, is it that day already?

Maire (St. Mary):  Paddy, was it ye who called?  Oh.  (She looks down on Dublin.)  So.  Yer Irishmen are at the celebratin’ yer Holy Day.  The day ye up and died down there.

Paddy:  (Looking down) So it ‘tis, Maire.  And would ye look—Chicago has dumped green into ta rivers again!  As if that meant a ting, Lord help us.

The Lord God: (enters with angels singing and clouds billowing)  Was it ye, Paddy, that called m’name?  (Seamus and Paddy vacate their pub stools immediately.)    David, here, be a good man, and pour me a glass of cider.

King David:  Aye, My Lord.  The best Yer Hands ever made, here Ye go.  Have at it. (David pushes the glass over to God, who has settled down on a stool.)

The Lord God:  So, Paddy, what’s troublin’ ye, up here in heaven?

Paddy:  Oh, it’s the Irish people agin.  They’re after celebratin’ my holy day with all sorts of carryin’ ons.  And it bein’ Lent, ‘tis a sad ting ta behold.

The Lord God:  (quaffing a satisfying amount of apple cider) Well, ye know, Paddy,  People ha’ forgotten jest what I did for them, sendin’ ye to Ireland.  They were a terrible mean group, worshippin’ trees and such, ‘fore ye taught ‘em about the Trinity.


  
Seamus:  Yer right, My Lord.  An’ Paddy drove out them there serpents, and done all them miracles.  Ye did right good work, there.  (Seamus pats Paddy on the shoulder, who nods and perks up a bit.  Maire sits down next to The Lord God.)

The Lord God:    ‘Tis my desire that ye shake the Irish up a wee bit.  Paddy, ye go down to yer holy wells—there’s one down near Clonmel I’m partial to.  Stir the waters up a bit when there’s a group there.  And, Maire, go to some of yer holy grottoes, and send some tears down the cheeks of yer image.  That’ll make the Irish think a bit.  I bet ye’ll see more pious Irish at Mass come Good Friday.

Seamus:  I’ll go along with ‘em, My Lord, jest to keep ‘em company.  (The three saints exit.)

The Lord God:  (watches the saints depart, and laughs softly) Ah, there go some fine saints.  Glad I made ‘em.  (He leaves the pub in a cloud of glory, with angels singing.  David gathers up the glassware, and hums “When the saints go marching in…”  Scene ends.)

If I have offended any, please forgive me.  I lived in Ireland, and have a different perspective. This is a re-post from March, 2011.
I don't know about you, but my fingers are flying over the keyboard in readiness for the A to Z 2014.  Thus, a re-post.


20 comments:

  1. Charming little story...how could anyone take offence at that?

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    1. One never knows how touchy it can be when heading into those saints having a pint.

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  2. I remember this one. Good thing he was able to scare the snakes away haha

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    1. Yes, there are no snakes. One person tried to release a snake into some wooded land, and it died.

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  3. I LOVE it! The Irish know how to party.

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  4. I thought it was a hilarious! Besides, I'm sure God has a sense of humor.

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    1. With all the strange creatures He created, God must surly have a sense of humor.

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  5. Ah, tis the Irish for ya. Good craic.
    I hear Cleveland turned the river green yesterday, just to be sure, to be sure.

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    1. You have the tone perfect; you have the Irish in ye.
      Chicago did the same, sigh.

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  6. What a hoot. Thank you for the repost - because I missed it first time around.

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    1. It was fun to do then, and fun to see it again.

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  7. They can party with the best of them

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  8. My Irish friends will love this - I'm gonna send it to them :)

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  9. Hi human, Susan,

    I remember this pawsting and your pawspective from last year. My neighbour from Dublin would love this. Oh no! That blasted alphabet challenge!

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)

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    1. Yes, the a-2-z is around the corner. My posts are short and to the point, so I hope you visit just out of habit!

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  10. I love this, it's truly delightful!
    Q: why does an Irishman wear three condoms?
    A: to be sure to be sure to be sure

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Go ahead...it won' t hurt...I'd love to hear what you think!