Monday, March 24, 2014

Squeaky's Great Send-Off

ziggy the hamster: No description
Source: pitrih (Maja)

Squeaky died sometime in the night.  Scotty said that he noticed when the hamster wheel suddenly went silent.  Oh, well.  It was his time.

Scotty was always pragmatic about things in his life.  Lose a favorite car?  Oh, well. It'll turn up somewhere.  Dropping a slice of pizza?  Oh, well.  Things happen.  So when Squeaky's little ancient heart stopped beating, we both thought about how to give him a send off.

Scotty had been into Vikings after watching "How to train your Dragon" for the twentieth time.  "Let's throw a Viking funeral!"

He retrieved a canoe/barge made of popsicle sticks at church camp last summer.  We put Squeaky on a pile of twigs layered in the water craft.  After pushing the funeral barge out in the swimming pool, Scotty used the "Hunger Games" bow with a burning marshmallow at the point of the arrow aimed at the barge.  

Again and again.  

When the canoe finally caught fire, it initially went up in flames and the thing burned before hisssssing out and sinking, leaving a singed Squeaky floating on the top of the water.

Oh, well.  

I managed to scoop Squeaky from the failed Viking send-off with the pool  skimmer.  What now?

Scotty had watched some warrior movie where the slaughtered hero was placed on a funeral pyre.  "Let's do that, Dad!"  So we did.

We lay out some sticks criss-crossed and carefully placed Squeaky on it. Scotty once again used the Kingsford wand lighter to get a good burn going on the bottom layer.  But, with us being novices at funeral pyres, the whole pyre thing collapsed, leaving Squeaky lying on the concrete surrounded by embers.

Oh, well.  

I didn't know how we were going to give Squeaky a big send off.  But, Scotty, being the boy scout he is, had an idea which made me wince and cringe.  It made sense, but man....really?

I pulled out the old rusty Coleman barbecue and built a pyramid of Kingsford guaranteed-to-light charcoal briquettes.  Scotty placed Squeaky in the center above the coals, using my brand new set of BBQ tool set.  Then he used the Kingsford lighter and got the coals going.

At first, it seemed that Squeaky was finally heading to his fiery hamster Valhalla.  But Noooo.

Squeaky had some sparks here and there, but clearly the charcoal was not enough.  It developed a nice white ash like briquettes do.  But that was it. Instead, the odor of grilled Squeaky told us the truth.

Oh, well.  

By this time, Scotty had had enough.  "Let's just bury it."  He retrieved a shovel from the garden and quickly dispatched the hamster with minimum effort.

"Dad?"

Oh now, what will he ask?  What do I say?

"Dad?  Can we go to Famous Dave's BBQ tonight?  Mom has a coupon for free appetizers."  He wiped a charcoal streaked hand across his nose.  "I'm kinda in the the mood for ribs, aren't you?"

Well, then.

Susan Kane

Saturday, ‎22 ‎March, ‎2014
Sorry about the lengthy story; just got going on it, I guess.
My daughter's hamster Max died on the first day of middle school.  My son, in an unusual act of kindness, placed it in a shoe box and buried it.  Nothing elaborate, mind you.  She has never recovered from the loss, she says (at age 32).

26 comments:

  1. Squeaky was just never meant to go in a blaze of glory. Oh well.

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    1. Dust to dust, but forget about the ashes to ashes.

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  2. That's one practical kid. Kind of scary too.

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    1. I know! I guess I love little Samuels and Scottys. Something dark inside I guess, that makes me want to join in.

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  3. Being practical has its perks, lol never got over it even at 32. Geez scarred for life

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    1. That is what my daughter has said often. Next time she says it, it will be time to go to the pet store.

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  4. I need to send instructions from my friend Ann's husband, Pat. When his wolf hybrid died, Pat held a Viking funeral pyre send off in the back of his back yard. Fortunately that is a Wisconsin farm. Ann thought it would be icky and held to the other end of the house. But when she heard men cheering she went to look and reported it was gloriously beautiful and Duke did go up like a Viking. I guess the fire has to be big enough.

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  5. A big roaring fire is the key. I wonder: did she stay to cheer and raise a horn of ale?

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  6. That would've been great if that story was real! Although the smell of burnt hamster might put me off BBQ for a while.

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    1. Oh, how I wish it were real! The only thing that comes remotely close was on the farm, when Dad would toss dead pigs and hogs onto a roaring fire. And that was fragrant, but awful.

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  7. Pragmatism at its very best. And on some levels soooo much better than the tear sodden farewells (which would have doused ANY fire) that I remember attending.

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    1. Being pragmatic is so much easier on the heart and soul. You go, Scotty.

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  8. some people hide their grieve with food :(

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    1. Now that is a wonderful thought! Ribs, mmmmm.

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  9. Squeaky was lucky to have you! Great story, you guys really know how to send someone off in style!

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    1. I would personally go for the funeral pyre, stacked by someone with great experience.

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  10. I'm sure I'd never eat BBQ again. But the sendoff was a royal idea.

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    1. Gotta give it to a boy whose name begins with an S. He and Samuel would make grand friends.

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  11. That was a bit of warped humor. The most devastating part of the story was thinking of that dropped slice of pizza. Now BBQ sounds really good. I'm so hungry. And it's time for bed.

    Lee
    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog

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    1. Wait until 1 am. Then no one will know.

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  12. I'm glad someone handed that boy a shovel. :)

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    1. No, he retrieved it himself and dug the grave. He is very pragmatic.

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  13. Wonderful!!!

    I gobbled up every word with great pleasure.

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  14. It does rather seem as if Squeaky really didn't want to leave even though his soul had already gone on ahead.

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    Replies
    1. He always was a stubborn little thing.

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Go ahead...it won' t hurt...I'd love to hear what you think!