Saturday, July 2, 2011

The Good Napkins


My Aunt Vada is one of the most precious people in the world.  She has always been my ‘crazy’ aunt—the one who goes places, tells stories well, listens to me, and communicates with others.  Aunt Vada sends me the funniest stories, some of them not repeatable to anyone other than my close family.  She sent me a story recently, but wouldn’t tell me who the writer was.  Said it was one of her friends who supply her with her naughty stories.  Well, taking a chance here, I want to share it with you.
  
                                              The Good Napkins
My mother taught me to read when I was about four years old (her first mistake).  One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar.  I read the box in the cabinet. 

I then asked my mother why she was keeping ‘napkins’ in the bathroom.  “Don’t they belong in the kitchen?” 
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for ‘special occasions’ (her second mistake).

Now fast forward a few months…it’s Christmas Day, and my folks were leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner.  Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone.  Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first, and immediately burst into laughter.  Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.  Next came my father, who roared with laughter.  Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a ‘special occasion’ Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top.  I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn’t hang off the edge!!
My mom asked my I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.  “But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions!!”

Aunt Vada’s friend added, “life is too short for drama and petty things…so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, forgive quickly, and for heaven’s sake, use the good napkins whenever you can.”

7 comments:

  1. This is hilarious! I think I would have peed on myself if I were there!
    Thanks for the laugh!
    Blessings, Joanne

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  2. I can barely type for laughing. Ah, those were the days when mothers tried to protect their children from too much information. Kind of left us with no wheels on our bikes didn't it?

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  3. THAT was a great post...I'm still laughing!! Thanks for a great start to the weekend! :)

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  4. LOL! ROF! That's hysterical. Thanks for sharing. I couldn't leave you at 99 followers, so call me #100.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  5. This is great, thanks for sharing...its amazing what our parents avoided telling us that later went on to embarrass them.....stay blessed, Amanda

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